Growing pains??? That’s putting it mildly. I feel like my relationship is being pulled apart by a sadistic taffy machine. I feel restless, bruised, uneasy, unhappy, and unsure of why I feel any of those things I just listed. My emotions are so raw and intense yet without a clear, definable etiology. Something is missing…something is off kilter. It’s extremely subtle to the untrained eye…probably trivial to most. But to me, it has become the proverbial elephant in the room.
I have a good man in my life and, what I have always believed to be an awesome, fulfilling, enviable marriage. But for the past week, I have been feeling more and more like my husband and I have, in some respects become strangers. I know that when we started out, we spent every spare moment getting to know each other on the deepest possible level. But after we got married, our focus shifted to learning how to coexist in the same living space and learning how to be lovers, meanwhile, our friendship has slowly been starving to death. And perhaps we were so convinced that we knew each so well then, that we stopped doing the work. Now we’re stuck with understanding and perceptions based on 2-3 years ago and it just doesn’t cut it anymore. It’s so hard to hear your husband continually say to you that he understands what you’re feeling and that he knows you, but your gut is telling you that he is missing the mark completely. And trust me, I’m scratching my head more and more lately wondering why and how I keep missing it with him. Were we delusional back in the day? I don’t think so. I think we’ve just both changed so much over these past few years that our marriage has a lot of catching up to do.
The worst part of all of this, is that it’s not truly a sudden realization. A part of me has been coming to a slow realization about it for quite some time, but the pending move to GA has converted those pesky, infrequent musings into full-fledged concerns. We will literally be all the other person has apart from God for the next 8 years of our lives…is that really enough?
When I was a kid, I used to think of myself as this lone soul, wandering on some planet somewhere that no else even knew existed. I was convinced that the right man for me, not only knew about my planet, but knew where it was and how to get there. Why do I feel like I’m still waiting to be found? How can just a few fundamental differences in personality make two people feel worlds apart? How can one song so perfectly capture what I’m feeling right now???
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8h2UVJiIhNk
Rest in the assurance that God is in full control; especially your thought life. The seeds of doubt, fear, longing, anxiety begin in the mind. Communicate the depth of your concerns with your soulmate in an environment that promotes the free flowing communication, without defenses up, because it will go a long way towards strengthening the bond that you feel weakening. Even if you don’t see the manifestation of the work you’re putting in, still continue to work. God will honor your obedience and commitment to the covenant you made.
I know that your faith is very strong, but it seems that you are now being stretched to a level of faith that exceeds where you’ve been. He is a good man and he should understand once you effectively communicate what you’re seeing in the relationship. Although he is the head of your household and your servant leader, you are the most important agent after God in his ability to succeed in the role of leading your family in God’s Will as well as the life of abundance that is intended for you all and those connected to you. The first few years are always the toughest, but you’ll make it and thrive. I’ve lifted you up in prayer for increased strength. I know that I may some of these same growing pains in the coming years when I get married. Thank you for sharing such a deeply personal experience because you’ve ministered to me and to my own shortcomings. This is cause for reflection over a cup of Blue Mountain. God bless!
Wow… well said. Thanks bro. I am glad that my wife writes here and that you shared and also were ministered to by what she wrote. This is how the body of Christ should work.
Stacy, I know there is much in you and as pointed out, I do recognize that you are the most important person to me when it comes to me growing to be the husband God wants for you and the man God wants me to be in general. Perhaps, I did not show it enough in my actions, busied by the obligations in my life. However, today is a new day, this is a new month. Let’s start that new life together… Lovin’ Livin’ for the Lord in eLeven!