Walking the Line (Part I)

As someone who has only been truly living for God for about five years, I’m approaching that stage where I’m relying more and more on my personal relationship with God to dictate my life.  I know that probably sounds a little suspect but I think it’s just a natural consequence of maturing in Christ.  When I was a babe, everything a strong Christian had to say about an issue was golden.  Pleasing them meant pleasing God by extension, especially since I was just learning who God was for myself.  But as you mature in your walk with God, you begin to see that there is a distinct difference between God’s standard and man’s preference.  These are things that are considered biblical gray areas…areas that the bible is vague about or doesn’t mention at all…or issues that are not unto life or death but are considered controversial in the church.  Most of these are what I like to call issues pertaining to moderation.  Things that so-called ‘strict christians’ stay a mile away from and condemn as evil and so-called ‘liberal christians’ indulge in  themselves using wisdom and moderation or choose to abstain from without being morally opposed to it persay.

I’m sure you can think of tons of examples…let me just throw a few of them out there….alcohol use, clothing/fashion, dating (unsupervised dates, kissing while dating, etc), secular music, dancing, etc, etc, etc.  These are things that cause people to leave churches and/or abandon Christianity altogether if not handled delicately and with the spirit of truth.  My purpose in writing today is not to create an exhaustive list of how I feel about the most controversial church issues to date.  However, I will say that Romans 14 is perhaps the best and most comprehensive guide to understanding how to deal with differences about issues not specifically or clearly addressed by the Bible.  The pastor at the church my husband and I visited a few weeks ago stated it beautifully.  What I got out of it is that the best kind of Christian to be is one who is biblically conservative but culturally liberal.  This is a person who lives uncompromisingly by the standards that the bible explicitly lays out.  But on those issues that the Bible is ‘unclear’ or silent about, allows for tolerance and differences of opinion from one Christian to another.  As I begin to embrace this more and more, I begin to understand more than ever why Jesus said that the way of life is narrow and few will find it (Matt 7:13-14).  Staying on the straight and narrow is about more than just not sinning; it’s about being able to stand for what’s right without hurting, distancing, or repelling people from the love of God.  This is not an easy mandate that he has placed on us!

Allow me now to come to the point of all of this.  How do you do that?  How do you stand for holiness without coming across like a judgmental banshee?  How do you let someone you care about know that they are headed down the wrong path without turning them off from attending church, or worse, from seeking God?  How do we shine our light (so to speak) without blinding people?  I started thinking about this after another couple (close friends of ours) mentioned that they were seeking wisdom about this very thing.  They wanted to know how to handle a situation involving a new couple at their church who are dating and recently moved in together.  This couple recently had a housewarming and invited them to it.  The concern was that the pastor and other church leaders might be unaware (or worse, aware but overlooking it) and the effect this may have on the ministries that they are getting involved in. 

I don’t personally know this couple but I am very acquainted with this issue so I will be speaking to various rationalizations that I have heard concerning this issue.  My generation is a very smart generation.  We think and reason a lot which is great for education and career planning but terrible for spiritual development.  Most young adults my age who call themselves Christians are really what I call christianoid.  They obey the Bible when it’s convenient but then ignore/rephrase/disregard it when it’s not.  Molding the Bible to fit your life is a huge problem in and of itself, especially since the whole basis of being a Christian is allowing God to mold your life to look like Christ. 

Anyway, we like to test-drive situations first.  I mean, you get to sample everything else in life before buying…music, food, perfume, clothes, college….you name it!  Why not something as important as marriage?  It makes sense to live together in a non-binding arrangement for a while first to see if marriage will work.  It makes sense to have sex once you get serious but before you get married to make sure you’re sexually compatible first so you don’t end up stuck with that person for the rest of your life.  This kind of reasoning is what my husband refers to as wordly wisdom.  It’s logic that makes sense to us given a situation but has nothing to do with God’s standard.  It makes sense for unsaved people to think this way but it makes absolutely no sense for saved people to adopt this mindset.  Unfortunately, this happens all the time with Christians and it renders us collectively weak and ineffective.  Godly wisdom should always outweigh our own.  I know because I am being challenged with this almost daily now.

Back to the couple in question, if you’re operating under worldly wisdom (like they are) then you rationalize by saying that it was a financial decision to live together.  They are both coming from difficult family situations and they both needed to get out but couldn’t afford a place on their own so it just made sense.  ‘We prayed to God and he gave us peace concerning this,’ they say.  If that’s not bad enough, then there’s the argument that just because we are living together doesn’t mean we are having sex, assuming you are still holding to the clear biblical standard that sex before marriage is wrong.  Or you go one step further and say God understands and will forgive us for having sex because we love each other and will be getting married in the future anyway. (Again, I am not quoting them verbatim; I am mentioning some things that were said and adding it to other arguments that I’ve heard)

So let’s put it out there.  To my knowledge, there is nothing in the Bible that explicitly states that living together before marriage is wrong.  But if you’ve already crossed the line of fornicating and you are simply making it more convenient to fornicate by living together, then there’s nothing more to say.  You are no longer living by God’s principle on this issue but by your own justification.  This is called willful sinning (because you know it’s wrong but you’re doing it anyway) and the Bible forbids this.  But if you’re rightly abstaining and believing that living together will not negatively influence your ability to continue to do so then allow me to set the record straight about that right now.  Holding out until you get married is hard enough without placing yourself in a situation that will make it next to impossible.  That’s right, I said next to impossible.  If you are in love and incredibly attracted to one another, then maintaining appropriate boundaries is probably already an issue.  In fact, if you’re anything like my hubby and I were, you’ve probably drawn and redrawn the lines several times already.  Even with separate bedrooms (which is generally not the case) and separate bathrooms (again, generally not the case) there is still plenty of opportunity for you two to find each other in very compromising and tempting situations without any accountability.    No God-fearing Christian is going to tell you that this is a good idea.

Add to this the fact that you are now functioning like a married couple without actually being married.  You’re sharing bills, household decisions, expenses, pets, chores, etc.  This blurs the lines of dating so inexplicably with marriage that it creates confusion within your relationship and complacency (since the urgency/incentive to take your relationship to the next level has been removed).  Furthermore, you’re placing your brothers and sisters in Christ in a very awkward position.  You are casting doubt on the purity/holiness of your relationship and expecting them to fellowship with you in the environment of that situation.  None of the above demonstrates a heart that puts God first in all things and/or a willingness to love thy neighbor as thyself so to me, the answer is clear…living together before marriage is wrong.      

As someone who was there just a few short years ago, I can honestly say that living together before marriage would have guaranteed premarital sex for Immanuel and I.  We pushed the envelope many times in our relationship and, in a way, ‘barely made it’ to the altar.  Mark Gungor says that sex makes you stupid…I would take it a step further and say that sexual attraction makes you stupid, sex just makes the stupidity feel more worth it.  I know now that my emotional and physical attachment to him was clouding my judgment and causing me to falter but I’m proud that we had enough fear and reverence for God in us to keep holding out for as long as we did.  I’m also grateful that the standard we live by is God’s perfect standard and not man’s.  I’m so grateful that he knows the heart and the intention within so he doesn’t have to rely on outward actions to make judgment calls.  So I continue to pray for wisdom on educating teens and other young adults on this issue so that they can do better than I did. 

In my next entry I’ll address strategies for confronting this issue.

Of Heavenly Significance…

I heard a definition of sin in church yesterday that I’ve never heard before.  The pastor at the church I was visiting referred to it as the act of taking worldly/earthly things and giving them heavenly significance.  What things on earth are we elevating above heaven?  But more than this, what things are we trying to take with us to heaven after we depart?  Have you ever thought, well, if heaven doesn’t have playstation then I’m out.  Yea, that’s sinful and should warrant further exploration.  My mind starts running through examples like this involving money, cars, gucci bags, etc.  Then he lays an example on us that makes my head spin.  Your spouse.  Did you just hear the breaks screeching in your ears cuz that’s exactly what happened to me yesterday when I first heard this.

Let me back up for a sec.  After spending the last few days wallowing in marital issues, it was interesting that his theme scripture would come from Luke 20:27-38, the passage referring to the Levirate marriage (see Gen 38:8 and Deut 25:5-6 for the background text on this).  To describe it briefly, its a Hebrew tradition in which the brother of the widow’s deceased husband must marry her and produce a child to bear his name.  I always thought of this as a way of making provision for the widow but what I never realized was that this tradition was steeped in the belief that the only means of living on after death was through one’s children.  This would explain why the child would be considered the deceased husband’s child rather than the new husband.  For those who recognized only the law of Moses (such as the pharisees and sadducees) there was no concept of ressurection after death and/or heaven. That’s why Jesus made the point of telling them that God is a god of the living not the dead and therefore he is (not was) the God of Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob.
So, the question is posed to Jesus…who’s wife is she in the resurrection if she goes through all seven brothers childless and then dies herself?
I have never been taught formally on the subject of what will happen to your marriage after you die other than a few passing comments from my current pastor to married couples about being brothers and sisters while in the sanctuary.  This, of course, has been a source of irritation to me as I believed it to be his underhanded way of discouraging affection between married couples while in church.  As a newlywed, being told that your spouse will not be your spouse after you die is a tough enough pill to swallow.  Telling me that I need to practice this concept so that it won’t come as a suprise to me later was just plain ludicrous.  On the other hand, I actually feel somewhat cheated that this subject matter was never covered as part of my pre-marital counseling.  If I had to venture a guess, I would say its probably not taught in many pre-marital classes at all.
The thing that really blew my mind was when he referred to marriage as an earthly concern.  Wow.  Really?  Hmmmmm…well, now that I think about it, that makes perfect sense.  He explained that those who cannot accept the idea of not being married in heaven are ‘heavenizing’ something that was not meant to be eternal.  Thus the whole ’til death do us part’ in the vows.  I’ve never thought of it this way.  I’ve always thought that when I was reunited with my spouse, we would carry on just as we did on earth.  But the way this pastor explained it made  all of my objections fall away.  Now that I really think about it I don’t see what use spiritual beings would have with marriage.  It makes you wonder what those Sadducees were really getting at when they asked that question in the first place.  (I mean, leave it to a bunch of men to have a problem if a woman has 7 husbands.  I’m quite sure they wouldn’t have had a problem if it was a man who died with 7 wives.  Not my joke…the pastor’s by the way).  I mean, other than trying to trap Jesus, were they concerned about who was going to have dinner on the table every night, keep the house tidy, and give them good-loving at night?  (I’m cracking up right now cuz I just thought of the little old-school church mama next to me who was having a fit everytime the pastor said the word “sex.”  ‘He better not say it again!  Don’t you say it!’  LOL!!! So hilarious!)
Ok, maybe those examples are a bit shallow.  But Immanuel is my best friend on Earth, my closest companion, an excellent provider, an outstanding lover, and so many other things.  I truly can’t imagine spending eternity without him.  But then, if you look at all those things I just described, God is really suppposed to be all of those things to me even now but on a deeper level after I die.  Would my awesome and loving God who also happens to be jealous want to continue to share my heart forever?  I doubt it.  This is partly what Paul was alluding to when he basically said that marriage prevents a person from being fully devoted to God.  But as eternal beings we will be in constant communion and intimacy with God…marriage simply holds no purpose in heaven.  Its great but comes with its own share of drama and God has promised us no more tears or pain in heaven.  To me, that probably means there isn’t room for marital quarrels and misunderstandings. 
I totally get it now.  I’m not saying that we should just forget about marriage or give up on the one you have since you won’t be married in heaven anyway.  I honestly believe that God takes what we do here on earth very seriously and marriage is among one of our most important life ministries.  But I do think this warrants a shift in my previous perspective.  I still believe in romance and passion, but I think that placing my happiness entirely in the hands of another human being is causing me more harm than good.  In fact, this whole ‘her desire shall be for her husband’ thing was all part of the curse.  But with God I know I am always understood, always heard, always loved, and always taken care of.  My husband can’t do that for me all the time nor can I for him and thankfully this is not our responsibility forever.  So my new thing is going to be to entrust the Lord more than I entrust my husband, my family, or my closest friends with my heart.  How much better to be cared for by someone who knows my thoughts and needs than by someone who always has to figure them out?
I’m reminded of how I felt the first time I praise danced.  I got to this whole new level of worship like nothing I had ever experienced before where I literally felt like all I had to do was reach out in order to literally touch God.  That scripture that says ‘in the presence of the Lord is the fullness of joy’ had whole new meaning for me that day.  I could barely stand…could barely carry out coherent conversation…my mind was racing and I couldn’t stop trembling and found myself constantly either shedding tears or just on the edge of them.  That was the first time in my life I can truly say I was in tune with God mind, body, and soul.  But when I woke up the next day, that feeling was gone.  It was like that fullness was lifted right out of me and I felt empty and drained.  I spent almost two full days on the couch overcome with what felt like incredible grief and sadness.  All I could think about was wanting to be with God.  I literally did not want to be alive anymore…not that I was a danger to myself but I felt completely disconnected from everything around me.  It was spiritual withdrawal and its the reason I am very careful about when and how I will choose to minister in dance in the future.
I honestly think that’s what happens to us when we die and go to heaven.  That part of us that is inaccessible to man…that only God can touch…will become permanantly activated.  Everything we could possibly want will be satisfied and things that make us happy now (like sex) will be forgotten because Jesus will literally be everything that we will ever want or need.  And as much as I enjoy sex, I can truly say that the way I felt that day I danced was better than anything I’ve ever experienced before.  I know that no one but God can do that for me whether its for a moment or forever.  Maybe you already knew all of this but for me, this is an incredible revelation.  Which leads me to my next question…do we really need to prepare for heaven?  Something tells me that spending all of eternity glorifying God will be something automatic and intrinsic…I really don’t think one of the angels or an old saint will have to pull us aside and give us an orientation on how things are done up there but I could be wrong.  Doesn’t really matter.  I’m just happy in what I know does.

Emotional Infidelity…

I was reading a devotional this morning about the importance of guarding your marriage against infidelity.  http://www.melaniechitwood.com/2010/10/slow-boil.html#comments

It blessed me so much that I wrote a devotional/confessional of my own.  Thanks Melanie!

This time last year, I found myself involved in an emotional relationship with another man.  That’s right, me…sensible, responsible, “head-over-heels in love with my husband” me.  Even now it’s embarrassing to admit it but hindsight has revealed more to me than I was able to see while in the situation.  It was during our first year of marriage, in fact, a few months before our one year anniversary.  Here I was starting only my second medical rotation at a new hospital in a psychiatric unit and sorely in need of a friendly face.  I was clueless and knew no one which made me very uneasy.  There was this male nurse who worked there…tall, mildly attractive, incredibly kind, and comforting.  He paid attention to me when everyone else ignored me.  He made sure I knew my way around and ‘handled’ any patients who were treating me inappropriately.  I could tell he respected me as more than just ‘the annoying med student.’  We became ‘work friends’ and I found myself looking forward to having conversations with him everyday. 

He made no secret of his attraction to me.  He was somewhat apologetic about it but very matter-of-fact in his observations.  If I wanted something, he made sure I got it…whether it was a snack from the cafeteria or a certain kind of pen.  I think it was those little things he said and did that began to have an influence on my feelings gradually over time.  I remember feeling genuinely surprised when I realized that I was developing feelings for him.  Somehow driving home from work with thoughts of him seemed acceptable, but when those thoughts intruded on my home life and worse, when I was with my husband, I became racked with guilt.  Immanuel and I were not having problems at the time.  In fact, we were extremely happy with each other.  I knew what a rare and wonderful man I had married and I appreciated all the things he contributed to our relationship that made me feel loved.  But this ‘work guy,’ let’s call him Dan, had stumbled on a crack in our relationship…a microscopic area of weakness that was founded on my insecurities about my appearance.  He satisfied that need that I had to be doted on and to be told in specific ways about my wonderful attributes.  He eagerly fed my ego while I smiled and blushed and politely told him he was exaggerating.  On my last day of work, I found myself at lunch with him stumbling through a confession of my feelings.  I told myself that I was doing it for him.  Letting him off the hook for feeling the way I knew he felt about me and telling him that I was flattered but in love with my husband and unwilling to be unfaithful to him.  Unfortunately, my little confession only gave him boldness and for the rest of the day he proceeded to tell me in whispers and stolen glances how much he cared about me…how he thought about me at home…how he wanted me in ways that he knew he shouldn’t.  I felt myself panicking inside.  What had I done?  My little ‘innocent’ game had fueled this man into unbridled lust and I was no longer in control of the situation.  Thankfully there was a way of escape.  I would not be working there anymore. 

I wish I could tell you that I took this out and let this thing die down immediately, but I didn’t.  Instead, when he asked if he could call me I gave in, telling myself that a phone conversation here and there couldn’t hurt anything.  This turned into another month of flirtatious text messages, secret phone conversations, and his desperate coercions.  He kept asking me to go out to dinner with him.  But I knew this was a trap.  I knew that if we spent anymore time together physically, a line would be crossed and neither of us would be able to take it back.   I kept trying to end it but found it difficult to do so in certain terms so he would call or text again and then I would give in and answer.  Finally, one day out of the blue he sent me a message that said, ‘I know you can’t give me what I want so I’m going to leave you alone.’  This turned into our last real conversation.  He apologized for confusing me emotionally and said that he could see that I loved my husband and didn’t want to be a home-wrecker.  I thanked him and wished him well.  It was as if the windows of heaven had opened up and intervened despite how badly I had made a mess of things.  I nearly did irreparable damage to my marriage and God still made it so that my foot didn’t slip…at least not all the way.  I am ever so grateful for the revelation that God placed in the heart of that man, who wasn’t really a practicing Christian.  But I think he knew enough to recognize that I belonged to God and took my marriage covenant seriously, more seriously than he took his. 

                That’s right, he too was married…and with two children.   In fact, this Caucasian man who was ten years my senior was on his second marriage.  I’m not sure what the grounds were for divorce in his first marriage, but I’m willing to bet there was at least a small element of infidelity involved.  It’s ok, you can shake your head in disgust at me.  I still do. 

                I had to admit to myself that confessing my feelings to him, though they were completely surface and physical, had nothing to do with him.  It was about stroking my own ego and wanting to hear him confirm what I already knew to be true.  What I didn’t think about was how it would affect him emotionally.  By removing that unspoken barrier, I had given him permission to dwell on his feelings for me and hope that I would embark on an extra-marital relationship with him.  I’m ashamed of the way I behaved now and embarrassed that this part of myself that I thought I had put to death when I came back to Christ still lingered and still had an appetite. 

                The part that truly breaks my heart is that as I attempted to disclose all of this to my husband, his kind heart wanted to think the best of me.  He never blamed me or stopped trusting me.  He never once exploded or showed anger towards me or this other man.  He just listened intently as I stumbled through the whole painful ordeal.  Then he simply forgave me and told me that he needed to do better since I had apparently punished myself enough.  “I just need to make sure you feel appreciated and loved even more so that it won’t matter what some other man says.”  Could I have been so gracious if the shoe was on the other foot?  Sadly, I think the answer for now is still a resounding ‘no’ but more than this, I believe with all my heart that the shoe would never be on the other foot because my husband is the kindest, truest, most honest human being I know.  In fact, as we concluded that talk he expressed concern for this man’s salvation and the state of his marriage.  He asked me if I had prayed for him.  The answer was no, of course.  I was too busy trying to get out of the kitchen without any burns.  And so, we prayed together, first thanking God for taking steps to protect our marriage despite my mistakes and asking him to minister to this man concerning his soul and his marriage. 

                Some months later, I got a text from Dan asking how I was.  I had erased his phone number after that conversation with my husband but I knew it was him just by the tone of the text message.  This time my reaction was so different.  No pounding heart, no tingling fingers, just a strong sense of caution that made me pause and deliberate if and how I should respond.  I then picked up the phone and sent him a string of text messages that told him I was glad to hear from him and that I had been praying for him.  I apologized to him for my behavior and told him that it was inexcusable as a woman of God to lead him on the way I had.  I wished him all the best in his marriage and in all his future endeavors and told him good-bye.  Although we never verbalized it, we have not spoken to each other since and I suspect never will in that way again.  Some part of me believes that our paths will cross again someday but I neither dread it nor anticipate it.  I’m so grateful for this lesson, even though it hurt and humiliated me.  It taught me that those demons I cast out some years ago are always looking for a window of opportunity in my life to return and wreak havoc on me and those I love.  Just because I’m saved and living for the Lord, happily married, and on my way to an amazing career does not mean that I’m invulnerable.  So I will tell you what I’ve learned to tell myself ever since this incident, know yourself and your weaknesses.  This is what you need to guard yourself against always.  That is why a year later, I am revisiting this and examining it.  I need to remember what caused me to stumble.  But now I know more than ever that God loves me and wants me to succeed…so much so that even when I do stumble, He will do whatever it takes to keep me from falling. 

Thank you, Lord for saving my marriage and for preserving the love between my husband and I.  I am undeserving, but that has never mattered to you.  So I will give you my best and allow you to expose the ways in which I need you the most.  For now, I have learned this lesson and will make you proud when I am tested with this temptation again.  All my love…JP. 

Application verses:

^“Now to Him Who is able to keep you without stumbling or slipping or falling, and to present [you] unblemished (blameless and faultless) before the presence of His glory in triumphant joy and exultation [with unspeakable, ecstatic delight]” (Jude 1:24 AMP)

“I will lift up mine eyes unto the hills, from whence cometh my help. My help cometh from the LORD, which made heaven and earth. He will not suffer thy foot to be moved: he that keepeth thee will not slumber.” (Psalm 121:1-3 KJV)

Pages From My Life…

Oct 18 2010

From One Vessel To Another…(Continued)

[continued from "From One Vessel to Another..."]
We are vessels full of power with a treasure from the Lord. This has been resonating in my spirit all week long just itching for a way to get on paper (or should I say, on screen?)  As I mentioned in my last entry, there were some things that were impressed upon my heart to study and gain understanding about after the night of the concert (see previous entry for details).  The car ride home afterwards proved especially interesting because my husband and the couple who had accompanied us that night (close friends of ours) found ourselves speaking about the things that had impressed us as well as the things that had troubled us. 

From One Vessel to Another…

Recently, I was at a church event promoting the debut of a newly formed local singing group. As the evening unfolded, my mind became fixed on the themes that were threaded throughout the evening both explicitly (by the various participants) and implicitly (in the atmosphere created by the church venue).  Everything about that night caused my mind to reflect on the relationship between gifts/callings and the glory of God.  It started with the praise dancer who interpreted the Corinthians Song by Micah Stampley.  She was followed by a soloist, who sang ‘Holiness is What I Long For.’  Finally, there was the minister, whose message title was ‘Hidden in Plain Sight.’  And as the Lord often does, he began to weave together the elements of the evening as if by design:  the illustrative movements of the dancer, the meaning of the words in the song, and the spirit of the message that was delivered shortly thereafter so that they complemented each other and it moved me so deeply that I’ve been thinking about it ever since.  I found myself surrounded by a plethora of raw talent that night…vibrant and versatile musicians and singers with unbelievable range and vocal power.  Everyone I witnessed that night was technically talented in their area.  They had mastered the art of performance and skillful delivery to an audience of spectators…but the three people who stood out to me, the ones I remember the most are the three that I mentioned specifically.  In my opinion, they weren’t any more or less talented than their counterparts but it seemed as if they had something else flowing out of them that flowed onto me and got me excited and engaged beyond appreciation.  They managed to get into my head and heart so that I was thinking and feeling right along with them and not feeling like a spectator at all.  I left that night knowing I had been impacted by and connected to them in unique ways, not only because of what they’d done, but because of how they’d done it. (More on this later…)

And then, a not so wonderful thing happened…something that silenced my praise and quickly dampened the elation in my spirit to one of quiet guardedness.  It was time for the offering to come forth and I watched as the mighty messenger of God who had just moments ago spoken sound doctrine with power and conviction proceeded to badger and bully us into giving what she felt was an appropriate offering.  She told us that we all needed to give at least $20 unless you really didn’t have it and that if you were writing a check to leave it blank because the money wouldn’t be going to the church but to the singing group.  When we walked up to give our offerings, instead of depositing our cash onto plates, or into baskets, we were expected to place it on top of the table only to, moments later, watch it get snatched up and counted into the total by one of the ushers.  Subsequently, the announcement was made that X amount of dollars was needed to ‘meet the goal’ and X amount of people needed to give X amount of dollars each before the evening could go on.  Confused?  So am I…still!  And just like that, my spiritual high had been contaminated and I could not even enjoy the main event the way I wanted to.  It was like a swift betrayal had taken place and this minister had no idea she was the culprit.  How could she not understand that we would be more than willing to part with our hard-earned money to bless a ministry so long as things were handled in a dignified and respectful manner?  If my giving was supposed to be an act of worship, why did I feel like I had just been handled and hustled by some con artist in a back alley? And how on Earth could she have ministered so beautifully to my soul only to turn around moments later and handle the offering so disgracefully? 

I thank God that I am now at a point in my Christian walk that I no longer write off a church, organization, or a person simply because they do something (s) that I don’t like.  After all, I see things in secular movies and on TV all the time that are disagreeable to my faith but I can still like them based on the fact that the overall premise of it was good.  I could have been annoyed by the fact that the group we came out to honor and bless didn’t take to the stage until more than 3 hrs after the event started or that it was made out to be some sort of a crime to leave immediately after the group performed despite the lateness of the hour or the fact that I was, once again, being expected to shout my head off through Praise and Worship, the welcome/acknowledgements of the host, the message, and the singing group’s performance.  I could have been very annoyed by all of this, but I chose not to dwell on it.  I am even willing to look past the debauchery that was made of the offering enough to focus on the more positive aspects of the evening.  I do not, however, believe that such things should be ignored, excused, or tolerated. 

I think the issue of tithes and offerings is one that has been taught poorly and handled poorly by the vast majority of church leaders causing people to be confused, defensive, and stringent when it comes onto their money.  When someone can acknowledge that there are crooks behind the pulpit who will shake you down for every penny you’ve got and in the same breath begin to guilt/coerce you into giving, that’s a huge problem.  This topic is a whole separate study that I won’t get into any further here but I just wanted to at least acknowledge it for now.  I also think that beyond the offering issue, we need to find a way to hold each other accountable for the ways in which we fall short without tearing each other to shreds.  Just because we’re the church or happen to be black and in the church (i.e. the black church) doesn’t mean we can’t do things decently and in order.  We can start things on time and end them in a timely manner; we can be organized and professional in our finances, business dealings, and event planning without discouraging non-Christians from wanting to deal with us; we can do more than pray for the people in or congregation who have fallen on hard times; we can spend less time in our pews and at least as much time as the secular world giving back to the poor, the sick, and the otherwise needy; we can devote time to our ministries without neglecting our families and allowing them to fall apart right under our noses; we can even disagree, criticize, and correct each other in love without taking off to hide in another church or starting a new church full of people who only agree with us.  Yes we can church! (and not just because Obama says so)  I refuse to believe that being on point in what we do and how we do it will cause us to be any less spiritual or holy.  For now, I’ll conclude since this post is already far too long.  I’ll continue with the study I did based on the events of that evening in my next post.

To be Continued…..

The Pursuit of Happiness…

            Our forefathers must have been wiser than most of us realize when they penned those famous words of the Declaration of Independence.  “We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain inalienable Rights; that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness.”  It occurs to me that life and liberty are presented as things which belong to us simply by virtue of being human beings and that having to earn those things or to be denied them altogether, is in violation of the way God created us.  But I think it’s significant that they didn’t simply say that we have the right to happiness, but rather, the right to pursue it.  Breaking away from England’s tyranny was one thing, but peace and harmony among the colonies was something else entirely.  (I think the Civil War kind of proves that point).  Happiness is the very thing that makes life and liberty worth having, but it’s not something we are automatically given.  We have to work for it.  But what good is life and liberty if you’re miserable?  Plenty of people who have every advantage in the world and appear to have no reason for unhappiness are depressed, battling addictions, and suicidal.  What are they missing, and more importantly, what are we as Christians missing?  Do we all need to be more like Will Smith was in his movie of the same name (different spelling) and relentlessly chase after the seemingly unattainable?

            1 Peter 3: 10-12 (KJV) states, ¹⁰For he that will love life, and see good days, let him refrain his tongue from evil, and his lips that they speak no guile: ¹¹Let him eschew evil, and do good; let him seek peace, and ensue it. ¹²For the eyes of the Lord are over the righteous, and his ears are open unto their prayers: but the face of the Lord is against them that do evil.

 

            It sounds like Peter is telling us that those things that make life worth living, namely joy and peace, require a commitment on our part to abstain from evil so much so that it doesn’t even cross our lips.  This is cautioning us about the things that we allow ourselves to say without even thinking about it.  Negative, hurtful, and mean things that are no good to others, let alone to ourselves.  ‘Out of the abundance of the heart, our mouth speaks’ and so we must be careful to fill our hearts and feed our minds with good, positive, uplifting, and Godly things as much as possible.  (Phillipians 4: ⁸Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things.)  I have found that my mind is easily persuaded to dwell on things that make me sad…mistakes I’ve made, things I want to change about myself, fears, doubts, insecurities, etc.  But when I pray and meditate on good things, my attitude and countenance change and I actually find that I feel good.  A simple concept but not so easy to practice regularly because, like a lot of people, I’ve become addicted to self-pity and sorrow.  It doesn’t feel good, but it’s what I’m used to. 

    The biggest problem with this (besides the fact that it’s extremely unhealthy) is that it takes my focus off of God and the things I should be doing to glorify him.  That’s what makes it evil in the subtlest of ways.  I think Peter knew this and that’s why he tells us to take it beyond saying good things by doing good things.  When you’re busy doing whatever it is that God has given you to do, you don’t have time to worry about yourself.  When I realized that doing good things for other people was a two way street to ‘Feel Good Lane’, I knew I needed to pursue a career that centered around that whole premise.  Everyone needs to feel validated, and few things can do that for you like offering your particular skills, talents, and services to someone who needs it.

            It’s not good enough to simply desire peace and joy, as I so often do, but I must seek it, pursue it, and then work to maintain it.  One thing my husband pointed out to me which has stayed with me ever since is that leaping for joy isn’t really a response to joy so much as a means of obtaining it.  Just as I had to learn how to worship and connect with God by singing, lifting my hands, telling him what he means to me, I think I have to learn/train myself how to obtain joy.  Maybe I don’t have to jump up and down, but I could learn to laugh and smile more.  I’m not suggesting being fake.  Trust me, there are few things that irk me more than insincerity.  But there is such a thing as pressing through and willing yourself to give God glory.  Sometimes, just the act of obedience itself causes my heart to follow shortly after and before you know it, my mind is fully surrendered too.  Why can’t obtaining happiness work the same way?  I’m tired of getting blessed beyond comprehension on Sunday and then seeing my joy dissipate away as the week goes on.  I want to be able to keep my joy so close to me that it becomes rare for me to be without it (instead of the opposite).

            My goal for this week is to spend each day finding at least one good thing, big or small, tangible or intangible, to think about.  Each time I see or remember something, I’m going to take a moment to thank the Lord for it with a smile and continue on with my day.  It’s small, but if I’m going to be chasing happiness for the rest of my life, I’ve got to pace myself.

     I encourage you (just as I’m encouraging myself) to pursue the Joy of the Lord and be strengthened.